“You Should Be So Selfish”

While talking to my good friend on the phone the other day,  she said  something that sparked the idea of this post. We were talking about the difficulty finding parking in L.A. She said it’s so bad that sometimes she wouldn’t leave home in fear of her losing her parking spot. I  jokingly responded,  “Oh girl, I know. My mother wouldn’t pick me up from work at 11 pm because she didn’t wanna lose her parking space and we had a garage.” I was laughing when I said this, but it was a true statement. We lived in the jungles in South Central  LA, and walking home at 11 pm, at night was something that should be left for the gangsters.

That’s  when she responded, “You should be so selfish.” In a way, she’s right.

However, that experience  did not make me selfish. Today, I choose to not make excuses for my poor behavior.  My experiences  have made me more compassionate and understanding. I’m more willing to help others because  I know what it’s like to not even be able to count on your own mother. On the downside, it makes it very hard for me to ask for help. It almost paralyzing to me.

Growing up was not easy, I had a very difficult  and unstable childhood but thru healing,  more of my positive  attributes shine than my negative. It’s important  for us to change our negative learned behavior so we are able to reflect and appreciate the positive things learned thru adversities. Here are a few of the things I have gained thru my own adversities.

1. My unhealthy relationship with my parents has allowed me to fly away without fear.

I moved away 2 days after high school graduation  and never looked back. Living in different parts of the country has taught me so much. Sometimes the close relationships  we have with family hinders us from really soaring and leaving the nest.

2. I don’t get attached  to things. Absolutely Nothing.
When I was 6 my mom stole my karaoke machine to buy drugs. Later, she  told me that all of my toys and clothes were damaged in a garage. But she had sold my clothes and toys for drugs. When I left my father’s house at 14 to live with my mother he wouldn’t allow me to have any of my clothes or belonging, I left with just the clothes on my back. I started a new school in 8th grade with just a few outifits, a pair of KSwiss and come weird tan canvas Nikes. I was very grateful  for these things, but I missed my slinging closet full of clothes and shoes. I never got these things back. Having all my belongings  stripped from me on different  stages thought me to never find happiness in things.

3. I can connect emotionally to almost anyone.
No matter what anyone has done, I get it. I have a sense of discernment. Whether a I’ve been in the same situation  or not. I get the struggles of life. I understand  why sometimes we sell our souls without even knowing it. I don’t judge, cause I’ve live this thing called  life.

4. I stand up for myself.
For so long I wasn’t  able to speak up and speak out. Now, I’m able to do so.

5. I know an abusive controlling man from a mile away.

I know the red flags and halt immediately. If you remind me of my father, I leave you alone.

6. I was assigned extra  special angels  to guide me and protect me.
Since my earth parents  were so trifling I got super dope  angels. I know that because  I am still alive today. Even after moving in with two different strangers  from Craigslist  two summers ago. Amoungst so many other strange scenarios. I’ll blog on that later…

7. I trust my gut more than anyone.
I basically raised myself. There was no one ever in my life consistently. Just my inner voice, so I got real familiar with it early on. I know that it saved my life so many times. My intuition never fails me.

8. I can make just about anything out of nothing.
If nothing I have street smarts. I have always been able to provide  for myself  because  I knew I couldn’t call my parents. It’s made me fierce and resilient. I know I’m strong because nothing I’ve endured has broken me.

9. I’m  still a pretty  awesome  person.
Thru everything I’m still a good person with a conscience.  I strive to help others and to be a service whenever necessary.

 

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3 thoughts on ““You Should Be So Selfish”

  1. Love this!! I’m going through some things right now that I need to overcome and deal with. Slowly but surely I will get to a place of total tranquility. I am a very selfish person due to things that happened growing up and I know I shouldn’t be that way but it’s hard when you’re the only person who cares what happens to you or cares about the things you do.

    Like

  2. I love this post and can agree to mostly all of them. The one I have the most difficulty with is standing up for myself because I don’t like confrontation. I don’t like making people feel uncomfortable, angry, or awkward – but I have to realize that if their joy is at my expense, then that is a problem.

    Liked by 1 person

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